Spiritual Discipline

Last night i had a conversation with one of my favourite people, the one and only Jenny "I'm so awesome" Chang.
We were i suppose just discussing where we both are in life at the moment, specifically how our relationship with God was/is going.
We came to the conclusion i think that both of us were in a place of flux, a fluid place where God was glaringly absent from our daily routine.

So we decided to endeavour to change this.
We needed some discipline, some routine to our relationship with God, we decided that every night we were going to read a chapter of Ecclesiastes write down our reflections and then pray to God specifically to ask him to direct us and also to ask him to ground us, whilst praying for other things also.

It was great for me, it gave me peace of mind and a positive feeling, one of accomplishment. A chapter a night might not seem like much and to be fair it isn't, but it wasn't about quantity for us, it was about dedication to God and doing something pro active concerning our relationship with God.

I also jotted down some thoughts about my plans for Ngaruawahia, re-establishing my drive essentially.
It was very calming to remember why I decided to follow God to Ngaruawahia.
To learn more about my culture, to eventually be able to turn self imposed negative stereotpyes on Maori youth into positives.
To have a life dedicated to God and his call, to have a life buried in prayer and scriptural study.

It was a good night, so for the next six days it will be more internal reflection, and a bit of fine tuning on our parts i think.

God is Good

America Trip Plan

So this is as far as i have gotten in my trip planning for America.

Sat 22 May 2010 at 19:15 Depart from AUCKLAND (INTERNATIONAL TERMINAL)
Sat 22 May 2010 at 12:15 Arrive at LOS ANGELES (TERMINAL 2)
Then
Sun 23 May 2010 at 06:00 Depart from LOS ANGELES (TERMINAL 7)
Sun 23 May 2010 at 09:23 Arrive at DENVER
And Then
Sun 23 May 2010 at 10:48 Depart from DENVER
Sun 23 May 2010 at 13:50 Arrive at LITTLE ROCK
CAMP!
Sun 25 July


So I have a huge gap, a month of travel before i leave on the 25th of August.

So far this is what i want to do in that time (list will be added to)

Visit my friend Christian OUTLAW (real last name) in Arkansas


Visit my friend Jamie Welch in Washington State


Visit Spiritual Father Stookey (or the Evan Stookey Experience) In LA


Other than that, I want to visit the Martin Luther King Memorial which is in Atlanta, Georgia.

I want to visit Mars Hill, and hear Rob Bell preach.
I want to travel to New Orleans and eat Cajun food, Soul Food, Corn Bread.
I want to hear Jazz and Blues in the French Quarter
Eat American BBQ
I want to see New York, Claire McColl says its a must see.
I want to experience the myriad of culture contained on this continent.
I cant wait for this world of intrigue.





Some other interesting aspects about America is the heavy involvement of Religion in politics, as far as my limited understanding goes Religion is far more cultural in the States, im really interested to see that dynamic because here in NZ barring Polynesian cultures Religion is very much a personal choice, and has very little influence on politics in this country.
I am also interested to observe race relations, political awareness of the average Joe.
And discover how red hot the line is between Republican and Democrat.

Im really excited about this trip, a chance to engage, collide with a different world. God is too good to me.

Torn

'Hold me, like the river Jordan, and i will then say to the you are my friend
-Michael Jackson

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

My heart cries out, in desire and craving.
My head spins, as water trickles down a trembling face.
The hardwood of my heart creeks, churns, bends and warps
In the arms of an angel, warm and complete
My heart refuses to beat
As the heat of her love swirls
To the eager anticipation of a failing world

Stars shine in her eyes
Tears form in his
Memory fading of a fading bliss

I will cry and i will weep
As they walk away, to amber days
As the sunsets on a golden age

Lack Luster

I have not posted for a long time.
Possibly not a good idea, this blog is/was a good way to keep my thoughts in check but i haven't used it nearly as much as i would have liked.

I'm in a bit of a slump at this point, limbo essentially.
Between America and Ngaruawahia although progress is being made in those areas.
Nettie Holme the pastor of Te Whanau Putahi in Hamilton wants to meet with me, so i hope from that meeting i understand more about the church and the flames are reignited.
Also maybe a church member has a spare room for someone like me, hopefully?

Also i have just gotten off of the phone with a camp director in USA.
Which is a blessing in itself, i should be happier with my progress.

But im not, God has been evidently absent from my routine, from my study, from my mind and heart.
Although i have nothing to complain about in terms of circumstances at the moment.
I am unsettled, frustrated, contained.

I havent been praying, studying, encountering God.
I am constantly dissapointed in myself for that and its a hard reality to bear
I know there is healthy guilt and hurtful guilt.
I feel i have both but more of the latter.

I think its not enough to hope to encounter God, we must look to collide with him, read the bible, pray and search for him. not just wait.

Frustration

Inspired

I was reading a friend's blog where she describes her quirks, the things she loves and loathes about herself.
So i have decided to do a bit of a download myself and see what this canvas presents.

My name is Trent
I love being Maori, i love playing the guitar but hate that im not as good as the music i know is inside of me.
I love John Mayer's music, and his personality.
I love old music that no one else knows, and i love finding people that know the same old songs i know.
I wish I could have been an All Black, Musician.
But love that i can be a follower of Christ.
I love and adore my parents, but am unable/unwilling to demonstrate it.
I love friends and worry they don't love me.
I am a romantic, the fibers so ingrained in my heart.
I have been heartbroken so many times.
I wouldn't trade that for the world
I have broken hearts, and i would cash all mine in for the healing of theirs.
I have loved unreservedly
Twice
I have not loved so since.
I feel i think to much
I think i don't feel enough
I take things too seriously
or too relaxed.
I'm obsessed with beauty in so many forms.
I am weak
But have been made strong, thousands of times before.
I have broken thousands more
I loved a girl, and never stopped
I became everything i hated
Twice
I am frail
I am strong
It seems I'm a paradox
I worry
I don't have all the answers, but want them
Theirs is music in me, greater than me, that i know needs to be released.

There is something brilliant in me, something powerful and wonderful, spectacular and horrifying inside.
There is a spark unlike any before it.
There is something different about me
I possess something great, and have a duty to all those around me, to let it shine so bright as to eclipse myself.
Till only he remains.

Im... confused
Im... a lover
Im... still confused

Tension

I learnt a painful lesson tonight, i learnt a lesson in humility, acceptance, debate, understanding, life, maturity and other things I'm sure.
My father and I had a fight tonight, probably the worst we have ever had.
He called me up on essentially not performing as a Christian, and I lost it, things got heated and I insulted him, possibly the worst way I could have.

I was so angry, i was shaking, i hated what he said, but even so i had over reacted and i needed to apologise, and i did, it took some encouragement from friends and some swallowing of humble pie for me.

But i did.

An interesting conversation ensued, im recording it now in the hopes that the lessons learnt here stay with me forever, reminding me that i have so much more to learn.
I apologised and Dad said to me
"Your mother and I just dont know whats wrong with you, you always seem so angry and grumpy"
"You seem like your carrying the world on your shoulders"

I agree with them, they dont know why, and thats a mutualistic fault i think, i believe that in this family, particularly between my mother and myself we refuse to engage on an intellectual level regarding nearly everything, life plans, beliefs, morals etc.
This is unhealthy as dialogue is key in order to understand the other persons stance, because arguments are not about winning but understanding and reasoning.
I know for myself that i would become self righteous and not want to engage with my mother, claiming that she was not engaging with me, whilst we were both guilty of it.

Dad also expressed his anger and mums about the lack of respect i show to them, and they are right, i am disresepctful and that was a hard pill to swallow, and its not their fault for reminding me that im disrespectful (although its not progressive) It is my fault, i am disrespectful to mum when she asks me to do something simple i dont do it.
As much as i watned to i couldnt defend my actions there, they were right and i am wrong.

Dad also spoke on about my responsiblity being to this family, and this is where i learnt the most tonight, his understanding was that my perceived 'activism' belonged inside this family (as my future ministry is to target Maori) but hes wrong.
This is where we differ, i have no responsibility to the world, but to God (although by extension the world)
I am perhaps interpreting the following scripture wrong, but the verse where Jesus speaks about a prophet having no honour in his own town.
That verse encouraged me, because i saw its evidence in this situation in my family i am a little cousin, thats my place in this whanau.
And as such my influence is little, i am without honour, without mana.
It is my time in places like Ngaruawahia that i hope to gain that honour and mana.

My responsibility is not to them, but to God.

The reason i learnt the most here was two fold, firstly Dad was operating from a standpoint of Christians are here to fix the world, where thats not the mentality we should hold, we are not rescuers, but instead just bringing our life boat alongside them in this ocean of a world, and holding close in a storm.
That is our duty, we are not the ocean liner picking up people (although sometimes we are both) we are those who will happily drown with those who have no one to drown with.
My dad doesnt agree or understand this, and this is where friction really occurs.
From the misunderstanding of what Christians are to do.

I hope i have learnt alot tonight. i hope i learnt how to respect my mother and my father tonight

JFTH#1

This entry is probably as late as your going to get.
But here goes.

This last week (21st Jan) was a good one, many of the usual faces attended but we had two new members of the group this time. Luke and Caleb friends of Trent and Eddies came along for their first interaction with rough sleepers.
It started off very quietly this week, we didnt see many people out, it was not the best weather so we jsut decided to go walking.

Soon enough we came across our friend Fatboy, it was sad to see him on the streets as we had heard that he was being looked after by people.
But it was good to see a friend, one of the more colorful characters on the streets.
He was very eager for the food we brought which is always good to see.
I always enjoy sitting and having conversations with people, i think getting down and sitting with them brings a sense of equality to the situation and takes away the "task" mentality and it becomes friends enjoying the company of friends.

Fatboy had a request of us, he had a camera he had been taking photos on, a small disposable camera and wanted Duncan specifically to develpo the photos, none of us were to enthusiatic about the entire idea, probably through fear of what would be seen when they were developed.
But then one of the new cabs off the rank Luke, just stepped in and offered to get them developed, a touching move from one of the new boys.

I (Trent) had the week previous offered to by a friend of mine (on the street) a blanket. With every person we met they all asked if they could have it. I felt liek such a tease at this point, here i was carrying this blanket and denying them it.
It was a reckless move on my part, one taht had come from a good place but the out workings were not exectued properly.
This got me thinking, there is such need on the streets, there is such yearning, for so many things.
We cant possibly fill every cup, but Mother Teresa said "If you cant feed 100 then just feed 1"
I enjoy this, this freeing quote i think held with scripture it illustrates a brilliant point so i looked towards Luke 10:30-35

30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[a] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

Now this samaritan did so much for this man, he pitied him, he bandaged him, gave him his donkey and walked, took him to an Inn and cared for him.
I am reminded of this passage because, there was so much more to be done, this man was obviously in dire need, and although the Samaritan did so much he didnt do everything, he put him up for a night, not two nights, not a week not a year.

As followers of Christ, we are not called to devote ourselves to people, but to God, to Gods purpose concerning His people.
We do nothing for them, we do this for Christ, to bring Glory.
(this is not necessarily the view of Jesus for the Homeless)
We are to be driven by scripture, not by the hurt of the world.

We met a few more people that night, Chris (C-Dub) and Joel were hanging outside the salvation army.
Chris remembered me which was a wonderful experience, then he began to talk and talk he did. About all kinds of things, happenings in his life, he informed us that he hadnt used any drugs, glue, petrol, smokes, alcohol from Christmas day till New Years day.
To which we were all thoroughly impressed, being on the streets it is impossible to not resort to substance abuse but Chris had denied himself over what must have been a very lonely period.

As we talked to Chris and Joel, we were subject to some brilliant pearls of wisdom, i wished i had a pen and paper there to record this intimate knowledge of the streets from a man who had been there for forty two years.
As the conversation went on i asked Chris "Chris, what is it you guys need here, what is it we can do for you"
To which he replied "We need friendship... we need people to look at us and not think they are looking at dirt, we need people to do what you guys are doing, come and see us and live with us, come and spend a few days and a few nights with us, then you will know"
I was moved by what he said, he had confirmed what were many thoughts buzzing around my mind.
We usually in this world only see action for a cause when that cause is close to home. Many families who lose a family member to cancer take up fundraising for cancer research.
They do so because cancer is real for them, the experiences they have they dont want anyone to have to go through the same thing.
It is the same with other causes, once we put a face toe the homeless situation in out own city that is when it breaks hearts and we do something about it.
So i encourage you, get out this week, make these people friends to you and be hurt for them as Christ hurts for us.

"Poverty ends when strangers become neighbours, neighbours become friends, and friends become family"
Trent