JFTH#1

This entry is probably as late as your going to get.
But here goes.

This last week (21st Jan) was a good one, many of the usual faces attended but we had two new members of the group this time. Luke and Caleb friends of Trent and Eddies came along for their first interaction with rough sleepers.
It started off very quietly this week, we didnt see many people out, it was not the best weather so we jsut decided to go walking.

Soon enough we came across our friend Fatboy, it was sad to see him on the streets as we had heard that he was being looked after by people.
But it was good to see a friend, one of the more colorful characters on the streets.
He was very eager for the food we brought which is always good to see.
I always enjoy sitting and having conversations with people, i think getting down and sitting with them brings a sense of equality to the situation and takes away the "task" mentality and it becomes friends enjoying the company of friends.

Fatboy had a request of us, he had a camera he had been taking photos on, a small disposable camera and wanted Duncan specifically to develpo the photos, none of us were to enthusiatic about the entire idea, probably through fear of what would be seen when they were developed.
But then one of the new cabs off the rank Luke, just stepped in and offered to get them developed, a touching move from one of the new boys.

I (Trent) had the week previous offered to by a friend of mine (on the street) a blanket. With every person we met they all asked if they could have it. I felt liek such a tease at this point, here i was carrying this blanket and denying them it.
It was a reckless move on my part, one taht had come from a good place but the out workings were not exectued properly.
This got me thinking, there is such need on the streets, there is such yearning, for so many things.
We cant possibly fill every cup, but Mother Teresa said "If you cant feed 100 then just feed 1"
I enjoy this, this freeing quote i think held with scripture it illustrates a brilliant point so i looked towards Luke 10:30-35

30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[a] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

Now this samaritan did so much for this man, he pitied him, he bandaged him, gave him his donkey and walked, took him to an Inn and cared for him.
I am reminded of this passage because, there was so much more to be done, this man was obviously in dire need, and although the Samaritan did so much he didnt do everything, he put him up for a night, not two nights, not a week not a year.

As followers of Christ, we are not called to devote ourselves to people, but to God, to Gods purpose concerning His people.
We do nothing for them, we do this for Christ, to bring Glory.
(this is not necessarily the view of Jesus for the Homeless)
We are to be driven by scripture, not by the hurt of the world.

We met a few more people that night, Chris (C-Dub) and Joel were hanging outside the salvation army.
Chris remembered me which was a wonderful experience, then he began to talk and talk he did. About all kinds of things, happenings in his life, he informed us that he hadnt used any drugs, glue, petrol, smokes, alcohol from Christmas day till New Years day.
To which we were all thoroughly impressed, being on the streets it is impossible to not resort to substance abuse but Chris had denied himself over what must have been a very lonely period.

As we talked to Chris and Joel, we were subject to some brilliant pearls of wisdom, i wished i had a pen and paper there to record this intimate knowledge of the streets from a man who had been there for forty two years.
As the conversation went on i asked Chris "Chris, what is it you guys need here, what is it we can do for you"
To which he replied "We need friendship... we need people to look at us and not think they are looking at dirt, we need people to do what you guys are doing, come and see us and live with us, come and spend a few days and a few nights with us, then you will know"
I was moved by what he said, he had confirmed what were many thoughts buzzing around my mind.
We usually in this world only see action for a cause when that cause is close to home. Many families who lose a family member to cancer take up fundraising for cancer research.
They do so because cancer is real for them, the experiences they have they dont want anyone to have to go through the same thing.
It is the same with other causes, once we put a face toe the homeless situation in out own city that is when it breaks hearts and we do something about it.
So i encourage you, get out this week, make these people friends to you and be hurt for them as Christ hurts for us.

"Poverty ends when strangers become neighbours, neighbours become friends, and friends become family"
Trent

Dark Side Of The Moon

Lately, with being so excited about the prospect of moving to Ngaruawahia to start my... whatever its called.
I have been so amazed by my people, by my ancestry, my whakapapa, my whanau.
I have been so proud to call myself Maori, even all my life.

But today, today was different.
An Auntie of my Fathers died one year ago, and as a custom Maori have an unveiling of a tombstone one year after the death of the person.
That was today, and we had the unveiling at a relatives house (I assume we are related)
It started out fine, talking, kisses, hugs, kisses, talking, kisses, the inevitable "you've grown so tall" lines started to roll out as if by some mystical stop watch.

But then to my left, a marijuana plant, 1.5 meters high, to my right cigarettes and their slaves, alcohol and its servants.
It was the side of my people that the world sees and reinforces.
I had been so enamored by the beauty of Parihaka and the pride of my people that i was beginning to become blind to the present day failings of my people.

"Auntie sets out the table, a tablecloth from before i was born.
seven different kinds of plastic chairs
Ash trays next, dusty as antiques
the warranty long void.

Don't forget, boxes upon boxes of beer Auntie
A Sprinkle of bottle caps, Cigarette buts in the hand of the hapu women
As we sing songs of our people
Our people sing songs of mourning
For those
Who sing, smoke, drink and die"

I don't mean to demean my people as thugs, smokers, drinkers etc
But that is a scar we bear, to their credit there are those among them who are a well spring of hope.

Auntie Nai, curses the cigarettes in their hands and the drink in their glass
While loving the hands that hold the poison
Whilst embracing the arms, and taking a kiss from the lips.

There is hope, in the face of reality.
My people are a brilliant canvas, marred by scars.
Illuminated by greatness.

Mark Chapter 1

My friend Blair and I have decided that we are going to go through the Gospel of Mark in a bible study, and possibly more Gospels too.
So I've decided to record what I find, and interesting points Blair brings up also.

Mark 1

I enjoy the beginning of this book, i enjoy how the reference to the old testament is immediate, the fulfilling of prophecy, also the part where John is baptising and then says "After me will come one more powerful than I,
the thongs of whose sandals i am not worthy to stoop down and untie, I baptise you with water but he will baptise you with the holy spirit.

Then we see Jesus being baptised and the holy spirit coming upon him then it says "At once the spirit sent him out into the desert"
It wasn't a time of rejoicing in Gods presence,there was no back to his ordinary life from this point straight from baptism the battle began, Jesus compelled by the Holy spirit goes into the desert alone for forty days.
Temptation set in, not only temptation but the actual presence of satan himself.
The popular view of Satan is horns pitchforck etc, i perhaps think that in this scenario, he was much more appealing, I believe that Satan appeared to the human eye at least, a very attractive person, very charismatic, very smooth.
I think to anyone of us he would have seemed logical, appealing.
But Jesus remains unfazed by it. Other books go into more detail than this one and there are reasons for that i believe none that i can remember at present.

I love this part because, his life prior had been training for what he must do, prior to his baptism was all his apprenticeship for this moment, not only that, as soon as his apprenticeship is over, he goes straight to work, no holiday, no time off, no preperation but straight into the desert... Brilliant.

Again the immediacy of the actions in this chapter i love, Jesus meets Simon and Andrew casting a net into the lake.
At Jesus' request they leave their boat, net (which is in the water) and follow him.
I think this is a great metaphor... the net is opportunity, they had the opportunity to draw in their net, take what they could and follow Jesus.
But they cared nothing for what they had with them. They at the words of Christ, merely the words and presence of Christ got out of a boat, leaving it unattended and followed him.

The same with James and John, they are in the boat with their father, they leave their own father to follow their lord.
Without two words, i wonder if sometimes we place to much focus on our families, believing that serving them is serving God, i think the same can be said of relationships, i think we emphasise the importance of our romantic partners.

Something a friend said to me once was "My wife and I love each other, we love our children and are a close family, but we will never live for one another, we will always live for God"
(Part of a brilliant book he wrote on the Cost of Christian mission "Costly Mission" http://www.michaelduncan.org/pages/books/summary_of_books)
I think this is the kind of lifestyle choice that James, John, Simon and Andrew choose, i wonder if we are willing to do the same.

Perhaps my favourite part of this chapter is in the next verses, where the people in the synagogue are amazed at Jesus because "he taught them as one who had authority"
i love this part
Because there is a distinct difference between power & authority, power is given by position, e.g. prime minister, president, CEO, all those kinds of things, you get to talk because of where you are in the ladder.
Jesus speaks with Authority... with understanding, he is listened to because he comes from a place of respect.
Its the same reason people listened to people like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Gandhi it was because of the life they led before the words, their words mirrored their actions.
If a person who had never ever had a drink before in his life told you about hte dangers and costs of drinking, you wouldnt listen to him and rightly so.

If a person who had experienced loss pain and suffering because of drinking spoke to you about it you would be far more inclined to listen.
And its for this same reason that Jesus was listened to, because he had been in the desert for forty days being tempted, people listened.
Because he had credibility to his claims.

This chapter also combines the elements of missional life, acts of service, so this is the healing, the preaching and the walking, especially walking.
its so wonderful because Jesus didn't just sit around, he walked everywhere, headed towards his goals all the time.
Until prayer, In this chapter Jesus is constantly moving until prayer.
He stops for prayer.
He goes from being the center of attention in verses 29-34 to being alone in verse 35.
He approaches the poor and sick (man with leprosy) and cares about him the scripture says "filled with compassion Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man"
What beauty, a man with leprosy, a disease which transfers through contact, and this man touches a leper.
What a man.
His companions must have thought he was insane, but he cared enough about this other man to do him the dam decency of physical contact.

Its a beautiful chapter i think.

Nga Rua Wahia #2

Today i had lunch with a good friend and mentor of mine, Michael Duncan.
He was the lecturer/facilitator of the course I attended last year Intermission.
Michael (Mick) is a brilliant man, one of great poise, understanding, patience, authority.
One string of Mick's bow is his time spent in Manila, in the slums of Manila.
Ten years with a young family in a slum, in horrible conditions living the call of Christ.
I asked him if he would meet with me to discuss my vision of the next 5-10 years of my life.
I told him about how my heart breaks for the stereotypes associated with Maori people, but more so about how Maori accept these stereotypes as truth.
I told him about my passion to change it, to firstly live a life of community, transparency, availability.
All driven by Gospel understanding, and MaoriTanga.

Mick had nothing but positive things to say about this endeavour.
He spoke about formation and destination.
That there are times for forming, collection, learning, experience.
He said that this sounds like a time for forming to him, that the next five years would be an apprenticeship in a hidden ministry (not a glamorous, sexy one); that in the end I would be better for it, and would have the authority to speak on subjects i encountered in my time there.

I love that idea, the idea of Authority, speaking with authority rather than a place of power, in a study my friend Blair and i have recently begun in Mark Chapter 1, the crowd after hearing Jesus preach in a synagogue

21They went to Capernaum, and when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. 22The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law.

Authority, credibility, thats an idea i fell in love with, peoples past representing why people should listen to this. Prior to this verse we see Jesus tempted in the desert for forty days, then immediately people recognise this and understand it.
Something in his voice, something in what he said, how he said it, spoke of so much more than the words he shared.

Mick was very adamant that in order for something like this to succeed, several things need to happen.
1.This must be a Gospel driven venture, prayer rhythms, scripture study, being able to trace why i do what i do to a scriptural basis.
2.Utilise the wisdom and experience of others, keep in contact with people who have done what you are trying to do, and with those close to you in order for accountability, and sustainability.
3.Relationship with Jesus, end of story my relationship with Jesus must be one of progress and purpose.

Mick was very encouraging, then we began to wander through the topics of the world, politics in the church, headlines, life, loss, drama.

I am now renewed, the flame is still lit, and im still fighting.

Trent

Step One

Liberation...

“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.”

I think i understand this quote, it was said by Quentin Crisp an English author, i don't really know much about him/her (apparently)
But this quote i understand.
To hear something once is to retain it as knowledge, to understand it is to possess wisdom.
I received a very... liberating email this morning, it was from an old girlfriend of mine.
I had emailed her about some thinking i had been doing over the holiday period.
I had come to the realisation that i hadn't forgiven myself for some things that had occurred between us in our relationship.
Several precocious monkeys on my back, jumping freely, placing pressure on the contours of my mind.
Like an itch that could never be scratched, they tarnished every mirror i ever looked into, i could never see myself, only that failure.
Only that degradation... but as i said.

This email was liberating, i had simply apologised in my email to her, apologised for any bad treatment she had suffered from me.
She replied with an almost... reminiscent tone in her text???
More likely one of wisdom and appreciation, the understanding that the past is the past, but the death of a thing makes it no less beautiful.

She reiterated that she had forgiven me a long time ago.
I think this was the first conversation/communication where the end result has been progressive for me at least.
No matter how often i talked to her (although it wasnt often at all) i would never get anywhere, the same cement shoe problems kept dragging me down.
This was diffferent, as i read the email now it seems as if two friends are simply discussing what was.

Its healing, I thank God for His grace, exemplified no better than in the forgiving words of a young girl.

Its time now to heal, to move forward and believe in myself again, to see a quality person in place of the hazard i used to be.
Step one for 2010 complete :)



See... Free

2010

Awareness of my failings is the drive behind why i must be better

So it is 2010, January the second.
This year is shaping up to be a big one, drastic change in lifestyle, formation of self, all that good stuff.
This year looks to be a year of transformation for me, I'm planning to move out by the end of this year to Nga Rua Wahia to start my journey of discovery about myself, my people, Christ in the midst of another life.
This will be the first year i will have lived by myself in a new town of which i know very little.
The first year I leave the beautiful Aotearoa, I'm going to Australia in the middle of February, i don't know what to expect really having never left Aotearoa before.
I also am going to America this year, as a part of Camp Counselors USA, who run summer camps all over America.
I feel so small, young, insignificant in this scheme of this world so big, a little boy from Aotearoa, the greatest kept secret in the world.

There is this feeling that my hopes and dreams are too big for me to accomplish, this inadequacy i cant escape, i find it hard to settle with this imperfect self in sight of a perfect God.
I haven't found an answer to that yet, a remedy to settle my unsettled soul.
I look at what i want from myself, and for the world and there is a dissonance.

I was up at my friend Lance's family's batch this summer, in Matapouri and most nights Lance and I would go to pebble bay to check our cell phones (it was the only place that got reception) as we do we always try to have a chat there.
During one of these chats i realised that a burden i was carrying and willfully so needed to be readjusted.
I used to be in a relationship with a girl named Nicola, needless to say that relationship ended for many reasons but one catalyst, and for so long that catalyst has haunted me, every morning it hooks deep into my gut at twists and turns spreading like yeast through bread, a cancer that wont stop growing.
This hatred of myself, of the person i saw in the mirror that day and day after.
That person who i have never been able to forgive.

I hated that reflection, and I haven't been able to shake him.
This is a new part of my mission, i have to learn to accept who i am, my failings, my successes and the reality of this broken shell i walk in that is only held together by the grace rarely seen but never absent from my life.