“It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom.”
I think i understand this quote, it was said by Quentin Crisp an English author, i don't really know much about him/her (apparently)
But this quote i understand.
To hear something once is to retain it as knowledge, to understand it is to possess wisdom.
I received a very... liberating email this morning, it was from an old girlfriend of mine.
I had emailed her about some thinking i had been doing over the holiday period.
I had come to the realisation that i hadn't forgiven myself for some things that had occurred between us in our relationship.
Several precocious monkeys on my back, jumping freely, placing pressure on the contours of my mind.
Like an itch that could never be scratched, they tarnished every mirror i ever looked into, i could never see myself, only that failure.
Only that degradation... but as i said.
This email was liberating, i had simply apologised in my email to her, apologised for any bad treatment she had suffered from me.
She replied with an almost... reminiscent tone in her text???
More likely one of wisdom and appreciation, the understanding that the past is the past, but the death of a thing makes it no less beautiful.
She reiterated that she had forgiven me a long time ago.
I think this was the first conversation/communication where the end result has been progressive for me at least.
No matter how often i talked to her (although it wasnt often at all) i would never get anywhere, the same cement shoe problems kept dragging me down.
This was diffferent, as i read the email now it seems as if two friends are simply discussing what was.
Its healing, I thank God for His grace, exemplified no better than in the forgiving words of a young girl.
Its time now to heal, to move forward and believe in myself again, to see a quality person in place of the hazard i used to be.
Step one for 2010 complete :)
See... Free
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