Lack Luster

I have not posted for a long time.
Possibly not a good idea, this blog is/was a good way to keep my thoughts in check but i haven't used it nearly as much as i would have liked.

I'm in a bit of a slump at this point, limbo essentially.
Between America and Ngaruawahia although progress is being made in those areas.
Nettie Holme the pastor of Te Whanau Putahi in Hamilton wants to meet with me, so i hope from that meeting i understand more about the church and the flames are reignited.
Also maybe a church member has a spare room for someone like me, hopefully?

Also i have just gotten off of the phone with a camp director in USA.
Which is a blessing in itself, i should be happier with my progress.

But im not, God has been evidently absent from my routine, from my study, from my mind and heart.
Although i have nothing to complain about in terms of circumstances at the moment.
I am unsettled, frustrated, contained.

I havent been praying, studying, encountering God.
I am constantly dissapointed in myself for that and its a hard reality to bear
I know there is healthy guilt and hurtful guilt.
I feel i have both but more of the latter.

I think its not enough to hope to encounter God, we must look to collide with him, read the bible, pray and search for him. not just wait.

Frustration